Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
