The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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