Your face is a jimmy john
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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