So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
