HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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