My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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