I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
