1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
