quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
