Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
