I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
