I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize