peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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