I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
