covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
