First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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