"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You left your phone here
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