In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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