i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
