Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
