Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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