At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
