I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
