I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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