This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
