I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
