I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
