nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
