Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
