Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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