can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize