His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize