I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
