So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
