i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
