I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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