i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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