hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
