I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
