How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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