i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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