My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He kissed a someone with a penis
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
