carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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