I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your penis caused this!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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