Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
