just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
