I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
