I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
