someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize