Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
