I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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