I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize