strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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