Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
