5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
