This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
