Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
