Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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