I skipped work to stalk him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
