Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
