It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize