That's when you crack a 10am beer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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