Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
