so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize