His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
