You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
