So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
