I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
