Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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