we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize